it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
