im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
