id be glad to
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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