I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize