the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
