turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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