im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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