Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize