I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
