dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
