just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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