I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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