His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
