a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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