i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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