somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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