its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
