I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
