I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
