dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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