He told me they were just razor bumps!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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