So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's paper in my vomit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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