She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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