my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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