I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
