Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
