you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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