I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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