remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
