I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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