i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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