I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
