she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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