TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
