i just wanna soil my oats bro
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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