don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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