Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
