Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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