Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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