girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
