it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
