Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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