Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My vagina is very pro this idea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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