no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
