are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
