I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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