the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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