I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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