this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
