forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
