end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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