I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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