btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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