his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
