Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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