you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
