if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
