Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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