Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
