we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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