yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
