Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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