Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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