you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
