The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
