If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize