She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
