Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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