I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
